and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
by weloveuntilwedie
Summary: On her ninth birthday she wished for a pony, on her twelfth it was make-up. On her seventeenth birthday - she wished for a guy to tell her he loved her, forever and always, but what the hell did she know? It's not like she meant it literally. Caroline/Tyler, headcanon


x

"**i carry your heart with me(i carry it in**

**my heart)i am never without it(anywhere**

**i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done**

**by only me is your doing,my darling)**

**i fear**

**no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want**

**no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)**

**and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant**

**and whatever a sun will always sing is you.**

**here is the deepest secret nobody knows**

**(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud**

**and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows**

**higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)**

**and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart**

**i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)."**

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On her ninth birthday she wished for a pony — one of those small ones with blonde manes and big brown eyes and a speckled fur. She knew she wouldn't get one because her mom had just been left by her dad and money wasn't really an issue but it wasn't like her mom could just buy her pony. Besides, her mom didn't even trust her with a hamster let alone a 5 feet, rideable animal.

And it sucked, because she wasted her only wish on it (because well, she'd hoped it might still come true) and nine was totally a filler year. You weren't living until you were ten. A real _teenager_.

Then, when she turned twelve you would think she had learned by then. Blowing out the candles on some stupid pink (okay, she takes that back — pink is never stupid) birthday cake, won't make your wishes come true. If it did, by now, she'd be a princess, her dad would still be living with them and she'd have a closet full of dresses and shoes she couldn't afford to even look at.

Still, there she was. Eyes closed, taking in a deep breath. She wished for her mom to finally let her wear make-up. Elena, her best friend, was naturally one of those girls who could make-up and a guy would like, ask her to marry him and Bonnie, her other best friend, could do whatever she wanted because her grandma trusted her or something so she needed to step up her game.

Fat chance, her mom would never, ever let her wear make-up. She was only twelve, remember. She couldn't wait for the moment her mom decided to use twelve against her, like it was some privilege and she needed to take responsibility for it— _no, you can't have bubble blower you're already twelve, Caroline. _Already.

Her stupidest wish was yet to come though. Matt and her just broke up again or for the first time she doesn't even remember. She just remembers all the hurt. She felt like someone was choking her while all the laughing at her at the same time and the pain was slowly spreading from her lungs to her the top of her head and the points of her toes and her heart — and it felt like that person was Matt.

Her mom was at work yet again (something about animal attacks, or _whatever _— for Caroline it were all just a bunch of excuses for Carole to not spend any time with her), had only texted her in the morning, a quick,_ Happy B-day, Caroline_. So there, she was. Sitting by herself at an empty kitchen table because Elena was busy hanging with the new old suave broody guy with the great hair and Bonnie was off doing shady stuff with her grandma and she was all alone, like always. She was seventeen, but not a thing had changed.

So she blows out the single candle stuck into her cupcake, makes another dumb wish that'll never come true, opens a bottle of wine her mom surely miss and pretends she's a high profile fashion designer with two boyfriends on the side and so much money she could swim in it as she watches reruns off the Kardashians. Kim's a lot funnier after an entire bottle of red nectar.

She wished for someone to love her for the rest of her life, forever and always. How the hell was she supposed to know the birthday gods (or whatever was up there fulfilling birthday wishes — God? The devil?) would take her seriously?

x

She gets bitten by Damon and then she swears to the Cosmopolitan Elena comes in and suffocates her.

The rest she doesn't really remember because next thing she knows, she wakes up and she's not craving Ben and Jerry's anymore but human blood.

And then there's Matt — who's human and in love with her and she's in love with him, too but she'd also like to rip open his neck artery and drink from it so she doesn't know what to do anymore. And there's Stefan, who is helping her adjust to this new _lifestyle_ (like she opened up a catalogue and picked out nice fangs and extra speed and a craving for actual human blood) and he's really, just nice to her when her mom and dad obviously can't be. And Tyler.

There's Tyler.

Tyler, who's a werewolf or something? She can't even wrap her mind around the fact she's a vampire, and she's still not over the fact that Bonnie's a witch or that Elena has a twin who's like five centuries old — and that all happened almost six months ago. How is she supposed to help someone when she couldn't even help herself?

But as she watches him break every bone in his body to turn into this creature he doesn't want to be, she's unwillingly reminded of herself, and as she watches him look at her — like she's his hero, or something, you know? Like she changed his entire world — when he thinks she doesn't see, and as she finds herself looking at him when she really shouldn't be and having this proud feeling in the pit of her stomach, because he's grown so much from the little, troubled, bored boy she used to know — she finds herself a little bit in love with him.

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She likes having sex with Tyler. She likes it, a lot. She likes all of the physical stuff. The kissing and the hugging and him lifting her up and spinning her around when they've won another battle. Especially the sex.

But that's not what she loves about him the most. It's the little moments when she realizes that finding Tyler in all of this was the greatest thing that could've ever happened to her.

When he breaks every bone in his entire body every day for months, just to be with her — or when he sacrifices himself to save Elena and takes about fifteen bullets in the chest— or when he saves all of the other hybrids, literally saves them from Klaus, not wanting anything in return and still being surprised when they want him as his alpha.

Above all, it's the tiny things that make her appreciate Tyler Lockwood for everything he is.

Like, when his hand lazily drags over her arm and he tells her some lame story about the walking dead, because somehow — besides fighting originals and the greater evil and hunters — he still has time to watch a stupid tv show (then again she'd never miss an episode of gossip girl either). Or when, he's sweaty and hungry and kind of moody but still leans over to kiss her when he's on his way to the shower. And especially when he suddenly gets all quiet and brushes away her hair and places a kiss on her cheek, telling her he loves her.

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God, she's kidding herself if she says it's easy to be with Tyler.

They've been apart more than together because something always gets in the way. Timing or Klaus or the fact they're supposed to be mortal enemies. If it isn't _I trusted you_ and _you just stood there_ then it's either _I'm not letting your near my daughter_ or _until we find a way_.

But they're soulmates, she knows that. People don't go through all that they've been through and just break-up. She knows that because when they aren't apart everything is so much better.

It's _everything I like about me is you_ and _I could never hate you, Tyler_ and _I love you_.

So every time forever and always is a plan that'll only work in the long haul, and not right now, she holds onto those.

x

Her mom had always told her, _be careful what you wish for_, but she never added the_ because it might come true_.

Sometimes, she finds herself wishing all of this would've never happened. She likes who she is now. She's stronger, faster, better, seventeen forever (like the damn song), less insecure and neurotic. She still is the latter two, only now not in a way she actually scares people off.

Of course, there are still moments, glimpses of forever, in which she wishes she wasn't a vampire. That she could grow old and have children and die. That she didn't have a forever and always and instead just a temporarily and once.

But that all seemed dull when Tyler pushed her against the door, too busy kissing her neck to notice he broke her door _again_ (seriously, she was starting to get weird looks from the carpenter) or the rare moment they could spend an entire day in bed and it didn't feel like they had just wasted a day (because what's a day when you have a million and one more to come?) or when she looks at Tyler and doesn't feel lost, like life doesn't have a purpose when you're dead anyway.

All she knows is that she loves him so much that she loves him more than herself (which meant a lot considering one time she forgot to put on makeup while going to the Mystic grill and locked herself in the bathroom until closing time which maybe meant she didn't love herself _that_ much but her point is clear).

She still doesn't regret her wish though (not even in the moments she tries to convince herself she does, that she doesn't want Tyler to love her, that she doesn't want to live forever). In the end, forever and always did sound pretty good. But then again, what _wouldn't_ sound good when you're with Tyler Lockwood?

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_a/n: i own nothing. poem is by the amazing e.e. cummings. i hate the son of a bitch who decided it was okay to make tyler leave again, like this shit is getting insane. michael is such a good, dedicated actor and the writers treat him like shit. tyler and caroline are like the only two characters in tvd who don't bore me to shit right now (after they killed almost everyone and made the others ooc). forwood is special, yet the writers don't realize this themselves. sorry i'm just pissed. futhermore i love tyler and caroline and truthfully and unfortunately i do love tvd, too. pls leave a review i will love u foreva ;)_


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